The Gematriculator uses mathematical patterns to determine the values of “good” and “evil” for a web page. Here’s a good one: “Experts consider the mathematical patterns in the text of the Holy Bible as God’s watermark of authenticity. Thus, the Gematriculator provides only results that are absolutely correct.” What experts are these, exactly?

Well, it’s not quite Kabbalah…and oh, the poor misunderstood pentacle…