In Response to President Bush’s federal “No Child Left Behind Act” (NCLB), it is proposed that students will have to pass a test to be promoted to the next grade level.

In the hope that this proposal will be uniformly adopted by all of the states, the new test will be called the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test, or FART.

All students who cannot pass a FART in the 2nd grade will be retested in Grades 3, 4 & 5 until they are capable of passing a FART score of 80%.

If a student does not succesfully FART by grade 5, that student shall be placed in a seperate English program known as the Special Mastery Elective for Learning Launguage or SMELL.

If, with this increased SMELL program, the student cannot pass the required FART test, he or she can still graduate to middle school byu taking another one semester course in Comprehensive Reading and Arithmetic Preperation or CRAP.

If by age 14 the student still cannot FART, SMELL or CRAP, he or she can earn promotion in an intensive one-week seminar known as the Preperatory Reading for Unprepared Nationally Exempted students or PRUNES.

It is the opinion of the Department of Instruction for Public Schools (DIPS) that an intensive week of prunes will enable any student to FART, SMELL, or CRAP.

This revised provision of the student component of the House Bill 101 should help “clean the air” as part of the “No School Left Standing” Act.

(email – thanks Willow!)