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Non-JWs in a JW Family

Non-JWs in a JW Family

From the “Ask a Former JW” mailbag…

I’ve been reading your dialogue with JWs. I have no advice, though I have experience being married to a JW.

I have been told I have a distorted view of the Bible, that I am part of the great (?) Babylon. My parents haven’t seen my son in 1 year – they also are part of Babylon – and they live only 1 hour away.

I’ve been told that God doesn’t hear my prayers because I don’t use his real name, not to have a cross in the house as it may be a roost for some sort of demon. When she and my son are reading their watchtower stuff, she closes the door so I can’t hear the discussion ( we just don’t want to bother you.).

I have been screamed at when my mother sent my son a Christmas card with a cardinal in the snow, and only the words ‘happy holidays’ on the inside (don’t you know he may not survive Armageddon if he celebrates Christmas?). My mother walked through many aisles looking for a non offending Christmas card. I could go on and on.

Am I being critical ? Of course ….but this is just an “eye of the camera” report. I’m afraid to go where my real feelings have been shoved down for some 12 years….

So – that’s your ‘eye witness’ on JWs in the household —–I guess the love comes out at the Kingdom Hall.

Speaking of being visited in prison …..I’d like one of those loving and concerned JWs to come visit me in this one.

– Juree

Hi Juree!

“Babylon the Great” or “the Whore of Babylon” is based on the book of Revelation (esp. ch. 17-18). It is usually identified with whatever (corrupt) superpower reigns at the time (biblically, it’s probably Rome), but JWs see it as representing the worldwide empire of false religion (and most especially Christendom). They are, of course, interpreting themselves as being the only true religion. Many groups have interpretations of the Whore of Babylon and Babylon the Great – but JWs seem to refer to it more than other groups do.

On the issue of the Christmas card, they believe that the holiday is too pagan-affiliated in its customs and history to be celebrated, even if Jesus has not said to celebrate his death rather than his birth. I’ve not heard of any but the most fanatical JW invoke Armageddon at the sight of a holiday card, but it doesn’t surprise me either. Their sense of priorities is seriously skewed at times, and some are incapable of receiving the good wishes in the spirit in which they were meant. They might at least have explained their reasons – they will normally take any opportunity to do so.

On the cross issue, I have to say I haven’t heard the “demon roost” theory before (grin). Sounds like your family took some messages and cross-wired them in their fear. They do believe in demon attacks, and there is a lot of urban lore about smurfs and such, but that’s not the problem with the cross. JWs believe that Jesus was tortured on a stake, not a cross, so they don’t even use the word “crucifixion.” The other thing is that the symbol links the household, however distantly, to the above-mentioned “Babylon the Great.” One thing that we were told to explain out in service is that to wear a cross would be like wearing a gun when the person you loved most in the world had been shot with one. It has a certain appeal as an argument, but there are problems with the analogy.

Love and kindness are often reserved for members, as you have experienced. Family, especially non-JW family, are often treated worse than strangers (i.e., potential converts).

If there is a God, he/she/they/it hears your prayers. God is there for all, according to the central message of Christianity. I don’t know why you are in prison, but I do feel – always – that while there is life, there is hope. Find your freedom within, with curiosity and humor and forgiveness of yourself and others. Face your anger and hurt, talk with others, accept what you can accept, and move on to the next stage for you.

Don’t wait around for JWs to come and visit (lol), but do talk to the spiritual and psychological counselors that might be available to you. You can write to me privately too, if you need to rant someplace safe.

Busy, hectic – but… VOTE

Busy, hectic – but… VOTE

I’ve been missing in action, I know. I’ll write all about the following when I get more than a couple of minutes.

  1. Quick trip to the Alabama shore for J’s family reunion
  2. Visit from my cousin A
  3. Halloween/Samhain festivities
  4. Making some calls to remind progressive voters in swing races to vote (Moveon.org)
  5. Catching up on the hundreds of backlogged emails
  6. Preparing for a trip to see some of my family and friends in Massachusetts
  7. Helping J to meet his end-of-month book deadline – permissions, scanning, reformatting, endnotes – and trying to keep household things from sliding any worse than they already are under those deadline conditions.

Um. I think that’s it, other than some household repair things (too tedious to get into) and the sorts of things (sleeping, brushing teeth, etc.) that you have to do – and which take up time – but that don’t “count” on a list like this.

I didn’t even have a chance to make my usual Halloween page. Boo.

When I get a little breathing room, I’ll post a couple of pics, and fill in some details. I suspect the blogging will be a bit light until that book gets turned in, though – so just in case I get completely overwhelmed, I’d better say this one thing to all you American progressives, populists, greens, democrats – oh heck, anyone to the LEFT of Attila the Hun:

VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

More Benisms

More Benisms

In case you don’t have enough money to buy me a Lego Star Wars Darth Vader for Christmas, Daddy can get it for you.
— This one today, July 10

Thank you Mommy! I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And so I love you too.

On Tuesday, you said on Friday we’d go to the store. It’s Friday. When are we leaving?

I think I have a few pebbles on my chin, but I don’t want you to squeeze them.

I’ve decided what I’m going to be when I grow up. A king.

When me and my wife have some children, would you like to visit us?

Not eleven seconds, Mommy. I can hold my breath under the water for a whole twelve seconds.

I wish Superman was real, not pretend.
— After seeing the movie Superman Returns. (Me too, Ben, me too.)

(Ben is six.)

Daily Activism

Daily Activism

Power Rankings of Members of Congress

Congress.org scored and weighted 289 variables in 15 categories to determine a ranking of the most powerful or effective Members of Congress.

See Power Rankings by State, Chamber, Party, Committee, Class/Tenure, Position, Influence, Legislation.

Don’t write discrimination into the Constitution.
The measure was put forward by Rep. Rep. Dan Lungren (R-Calif.) only days after a judge in San Francisco declared that barring gay marriage violated the California state constitution. Right-wing leaders’ have used the supposed threat to marriage to energize political involvement by appealing to the worst within their own membership. Trying to use our constitution to demonize fellow Americans is contrary to the spirit of the entire document, and if passed, would mark the first time the Constitution was amended to target a group of Americans for unequal treatment.

Dominionism = Supremacism
We are not Nazis. We are not the Klan.
We cannot allow hate and irrational fears to overtake our country.

E-mail your senators to register your opposition to the discriminatory ‘Marriage Protection Amendment.’
(People for the American Way)

No Nuclear Attack on Iran

Rep. Ed Markey (D-MA) has circulated a letter in an effort to get the Bush Administration to take the nuclear option off the table. This letter, which he is asking members of Congress to sign, reminds the President of the USA of the US commitment under the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty that the US, “will not use nuclear weapons against non-nuclear-weapon States Parties to the Treaty on the Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons except in the case of an invasion or any other attack on the United States” or its allies.

Please ask your Representative to sign on to the Markey letter to the Administration.

While we understand the desire to take nothing off of the table during the run-up to what we hope are negotiations, there are some things that must never be put on the table to begin with. Nuclear weapons must not be used in Iran. Their use, or even the threat of use, would undermine America’s non-proliferation leadership, inflame anti-American extremism around the world, and undermine smart, effective problem solving by our elected and appointed leaders. We need a long term solution that lowers the dangers in Iran, rather than an attack that will convince the 182 non-nuclear signatories to the Non-Proliferation Treaty that their continued adherence to the treaty offers them no protection against a nuclear attack by a nuclear nation.

(20/20 Vision

“What Is a Progressive?” – 10 Finalists – Vote Today

If you met someone who didn’t know what a progressive was, which one would help that person best to “get it”? Please vote among the ten finalists at Campaign for America’s Future by Friday, June 2nd at 11:59 EDT. (While you’re there, register for the Take Back America 2006 conference.
(Campaign for America’s Future)

Protect Medical Victims’ Rights – People are First, Profits are Second

For the third time in the last two years President Bush and leaders in the House of Representatives are promoting a bill written by the insurance industry and HMOs (yet again) without regard for the rights of working Americans injured – or even killed – by medical malpractice in hospitals or nursing homes. The bill may even allow drug companies who put dangerous products on the market to avoid accountability. Fight against this legislation, which is overtly designed to tilt the playing field in favor of powerful corporate interests.

Sign a petition urging your Representative to oppose any legislation restricting the rights of those injured by medical malpractice.
(People Over Profits Grassroots Action Center)

The Balancing Act – Paid Leave for New Parents

When you think of “family values” – think of this. The United States is one of only four out of 168 countries studied to not have some form of paid family leave for new moms. We join Swaziland, Papua New Guinea, and Lesotho in not having that policy in place. Nearly 75% of moms are in the workforce, and most families need two working parents to stay afloat. It’s time for our policies and programs to catch up with our modern economy. Yes, with Republicans in power, the chances of success are pretty small. Still worth an effort.

Sign a petition to support the The Balancing Act bill, which includes paid leave for all new parents.
(Moms Rising)

We’re not Buyin’ it – Protest ExxonMobil

Today hundreds of activists are in Dallas, TX attending ExxonMobil’s annual meeting to protest the corporation’s use of our money to fund their active opposition to any development of clean energy solutions for America. In solidarity with these activists, I am writing my representatives in Congress (such as they are) to reject any bill that offers even more giveaways to ExxonMobil (either through even more tax breaks or even more invasive drilling). ExxonMobil uses their obscenely excessive profits to fund professional global warming “skeptics” and refuses to invest in renewable energy sources. It’s time for Congress to adopt REAL energy solutions that reduce global warming pollution, enhance our energy security, and save consumers money – you know, while we still have the lights on to plan.

Protest ExxonMobil’s Slash and Burn Planning
(Union of Concerned Scientists and Save Our Environment)

You Have Been Warned

You Have Been Warned

I witnessed a disturbing thing.

It was late morning near the Pier on Flagler Beach in Florida on Sunday the 19th.

It’s not uncommon to see small planes pulling banners across the sky, although it’s certainly not as common as at the typical “spring break” beaches such as Daytona. Perhaps this one came from there and just continued up the coast.

I didn’t notice anything special about the plane itself.

The banner was shorter than the typical ad banner. It was black. The message was in white:

06/06/2006
You have been warned

OK, I see the obvious 666 reference. Is this a threat? A scare tactic? If so, who is behind it? Apocalyptic Evangelicals? Terrorists of some kind? Has there been any news coverage of this? If so, I couldn’t find it.

It was chilling.

Please comment if you know anything, or have heard anything, about this.

(Thanks for the comments – it was a tasteless publicity stunt for the new Omen movie)

Tiny Tooth Horror

Tiny Tooth Horror

It’s a matter of aesthetics. I simply find certain kinds of mouths repulsive. For me, it all has to do with the teeth.

The worst mouth? The one where you have to wonder whether or not there are any teeth at all. The person hardly ever lets you see them. I dislike the bulldog expression – the bottom teeth appear, but the top teeth do not. I dislike very small teeth – they look like corn on the cob.

If you add tension, smirking, and other strange manneristic muscular signals to the secret-teeth, bottom-teeth-only, or corn teeth, then I have a very primal sort of reaction.

It’s a kind of prejudice – it is certainly a preference. Back in the day when I was basically a serial monogamist, all of my boyfriend/lovers had medium-to-large white teeth (not that it matters here, but I am also partial to strong chins and warm expressive eyes). My husband shows his nice white teeth. My whole family has big white gleaming teeth. Maybe it’s a narcissistic tribal affiliation.

Perhaps it is a coincidence, but my Dad lost all his teeth when he was young. I had the most trouble relating with him when his dentures were rather small. Later, when he was older, the dentures were (or at least seemed) bigger, and he smiled more often (and more naturally). We got along better – but that was probably for other reasons altogether. Still – I wonder if this sort of thing could really be a subliminal/unconscious factor i our responses to others?

I don’t care about skin color or language or class or sexuality – but I just don’t like those scary little teeth set in those hard unfeeling mouths. In such a case I may have to admire him (usually it’s a him I mean) in spite of teeth capacity or expressive usage. Someone would have to be so brillant or witty or creative that I would overlook the scary teeth situation, like say… Anthony Hopkins.

I never realized this about myself until now. I know this is a really odd thing. I wonder if I am alone in feeling this way. Having realized this, I’ll have to be more conscious of it in my daily interactions with people. It may be unfair, maybe, may… be.

I like big clean white teeth that show up and make a strong appearance. Americans are known all over the world for our big white honest teeth. Sometimes the teeth may suggest some sort of aggression, like a tiger baring its teeth, but I still prefer that to the scary little teeth. I’m very welcoming to Mormons at the door despite having been a door-to-door cousin Jehovah’s Witness – for some reason they tend to have great teeth (and they are so wonderfully earnest).

Actually I think there are people who prefer the secret teeth, the corn on the cob, show-the-bottom-teeth like a bulldog kind of thing. Maybe they are equally repulsed by people who show their upper teeth. Maybe they are self-conscious about their own teeth. I can’t say that I have the answers on this.

Could there be a political divide – could teeth actually be a factor?

I started having wild thoughts about this. JFK and Jimmy Carter showed teeth. The Clintons have the teeth and so does Kerry. Hollywood people are, of course, big teeth-showers. I’m sometimes undecided about Ahhnold – I like his teeth – but I notice that he doesn’t show them much when he is around the President.

It seems like such a shallow sort of thing, but I wonder if there really are any perceptual differences or other psychological effects across populations based on tooth preferences. I have really gotten to dislike the white male republican kind of mouth. Here’s what I mean.

Nixon had a nice smile:

nixonteeth.jpg

But is that how we remember him? No, here is the mouth I think of…

nixonbotteeth.jpg nixonbottteeth.jpg

Bush is more attractive to me when he shows his teeth.

bushteeth1.jpg See? This is nice.

But here is how I see him in my mind’s eye:

bushmouth.jpgbushmeet.jpg bushnoteeth.jpg bushdebate.jpg bushmon.jpg

It’s probably not a consistent thing. I’m sure there are lots of attractively-toothed Republicans and some scary little-toothed bulldog-underbited Democrats. Condi has a big toothy smile, but that one is a bit terrifying. Zell Miller looked like what he really was, a DINO. Joe Leiberman is borderline – smallish teeth but he shows them sometimes.

Still, here are a few examples of mouths with expressions that I find particularly unattractive.

cheneyteeth.jpg Cheney

rumsfeldteeth.jpg Rumsfeld

roveteeth.jpg Rove

tomdelaymouthm.jpg DeLay

perduemouth.jpg Perdue (GA Gov)

chamblis1.jpg chamblis2.jpg Chambliss (GA Sen)

Man O man, show me thy teeth.