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Kicking the Habit

Kicking the Habit

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Still sick, coughing, shivering, sweating, miserable. One good thing has come out of this, though. I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, and there’s one thing I know I can (and should) do to make things better.

I am quitting my terrible smoking habit.

Potential embarrassment and shame about failure will be a further incentive, so I’m announcing here there and everywhere.

I’ve got a quit date – next Wednesday April 15th. I took my first Chantix pill last night. and it takes about a week to kick in – and my birthday isn’t a bad day to quit. I (really, desperately) hope it helps me get through the initial stages of withdrawal.

I’ve got a list of various warning signs, and another list of helpful tips – and I’m trying to adjust my psychology between now and then. I’m not going to do any nicotine replacement, because for me that would just prolong the misery.

I’ve been thinking seriously about quitting for a while now, but I just haven’t had the will. Everything came together this time, and it feels like a good time to do it.

I want to feel better, have more energy, and get that smell off of me. I want to get my father’s flat hopeless look out of my eyes. I want to be free of this addiction.

I’m also sick of the snarky comments, and the increasing class distinction – although to be honest, that’s just one more stupid reason that I’ve kept smoking, in defiance and rebellion. Well, gotta transcend that too.

John seems a bit apprehensive, as well he should be. The last time I tried this, it didn’t go very well. I know he really wants me to quit, though, and he’ll be very happy to see me do it – once it’s done.

My posts for a bit may just chronicle this particular journey. Maybe it won’t be a big deal. Maybe I’ll be a little crazy. I’m not sure. Even if things are a bit unstable for a couple of weeks, it will be worth it to get to the other side. I’ve got a lot of support for this, and I hope that my family, friends and co-workers will cut me a little slack if I act a little bit uncharacteristically here and there. I’m a little worried about that aspect of things; it’s one of the reasons I’ve put this off. Ideally, I would be shuttled off to some cabin miles from anywhere for the first two weeks, but that’s never going to happen – and waiting for the perfect opportunity to quit has meant that I haven’t quit. There’s never going to be the perfect time.

By Ben’s birthday – one month after mine – he’ll have a totally smoke-free and recovered Mommy wishing him a happy birthday, and she won’t have a lighter handy for the nine candles on his cake.

There is one thing that I truly enjoy about smoking. The controlled breathing of smoke in and out of me always made me feel a bit like a dragon, the keeper of the flame, the mistress of the wind. I’ll miss that more than anything else.

WTF – Atlanta Smoke

WTF – Atlanta Smoke

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Either way you interpret “WTF,” it was my first thought this morning.

“Do you smell a wood fire?”
“Is our house on fire?”
“Where’s the fire?”
“WTF??!?!?!”

The whole backyard was full of smoke. I went outside, and couldn’t find the cause.

I turned on the news. Weather report: Hazy, sunny, and smoky. Yeah, and? Only in Georgia would they simply describe the conditions without any explanation at all.

On the way in to work (I’m on break right now, foregoing coffee to post this), I kept almost hearing the reason that Atlanta is bathed in smoke. The radio in my car has some sort of wiring problem. It is very, very irritating. I hear parts of the news, parts of a song – it fades out for five or six seconds at a time, almost certainly when I really wanted to hear that bit.

Smoky conditions… later today … the fires … smoke covers the areas of … watch out for … arggghhhh.

Finally, I found out by searching the web as soon as I got in. The smoke comes over 250 miles, all the way from the more than 50 wildfires raging in South Georgia! Southeasterly winds brought in the smoke, and an inversion (warm air on top of cooler air) pushed it to ground level. The smoke is visible all the way into South Carolina.

From Firehouse.com:

Thick Smoke Chokes Atlanta

Thick smoke settled over Atlanta Tuesday morning causing eyes to water and traffic to slow down. Winds from the southeast carried smoke from wildfires burning in South Georgia and North Florida. The smoke appeared almost like a London fog. …There is a code orange air quality warning in effect for the area. That means the air could be unhealthy for sensitive groups. National Weather Service meteorologist Robert Beasley says the smoke from the big wildfire in the Okefenokee Swamp began showing up in Thomaston in Upson County, about 50 miles south of Atlanta, between 4 a.m. and 4:30 a.m. Tuesday. Smoke also is affecting Columbus in west Georgia. Beasley says the smoke is lowering visibility to three to five miles. He advises people with respiratory problems to stay inside. Beasley says the wind should swing to the east later today and pick up speed — clearing the smoke out of the metro area. He says a backdoor front moving through the area tomorrow should bring fresher air off the Atlantic and from the Carolinas. As Beasley puts it, “This morning should be the worst of it” as far as the smoke goes. The service issued a statement urging motorists to use low-beam headlights when driving through the haze and for people with respiratory problems to remain indoors. The forecast calls for no rain for the next seven days.

Stay inside, run air conditioning. Unhealthy air. I wonder how it looks closer to the fires if it’s this bad here. Comment if you’re close to the fires. More than 345,000 acres have been scorched so far.

See photos.