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JW Family Refuse to Communicate

JW Family Refuse to Communicate

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On the topic of how Jehovah’s Witnesses divide families, from the “Ask a Former JW” mailbag:

Basically, the whole of my mothers side of my family are JW’s. She was disfellowshipped when she was around 18-19 but wasn’t told then that she was not supposed to talk to people who were still members of the religion. Since then she was married to my father who was not a JW, had me and my brother and sister, then was divorced from my father.

Around 3-4 years ago my mother was approached by my aunt, who is still a member, and was told then that she was no longer allowed to see or have any communication with my cousins and the rest of the family who were still members.

I was just wandering if, what had happened, was right to have happened? if these JW “rules of life” permit such things? My mother has had difficulty speaking to ANY of her family since that day, and it doesn’t feel like any sort of religion should warrant that sort of treatment. Any info you may have would be extremely helpful.

– Sami

Dear Sami –

I completely agree with you that the dynamic here is wrong, unethical, and lacking in compassion, kindness, or family love.

Unfortunately for former-JWs (and for non-JW family members who are affected by it), this treatment is very common and even encouraged. Former JWs are considered to be even worse than “worldly associations.” Disfellowshipped Jehovah’s Witnesses are described in the harshest of terms, no matter what the reasons were for leaving the group. The same treatment applies to anyone who is disfellowshipped, whether it was for murder, rape, homosexual acts, being a whistleblower, asking pointed questions, having a less than submissive attitude toward elders and policies, or even smoking a cigarette.

Jehovah’s Witnesses are strongly encouraged, using several methods of “spiritual guidance,” to be loyal to the organization first. For some, that loyalty is even stronger than their feeling for God. The Watchtower Society and its affiliated corporations are very controlling and authoritarian – even totalitarian. They motivate with fear.

Unfortunately, your family members (like many, many others) prioritize the shaky biblical interpretations of a dozen men in New York over their connection to your mother. She has been demonized in their regard; they hold her in contempt. Her family may even fear that she is somehow contagious, or a contaminant or toxin (actually, this whole view of otherness and evil, along with their views on blood transfusions, first got me interested in the topics of my PhD dissertation).

The bottom line is that JWs will tend to err on the side of caution when following the directives of the Watchtower Society. Anything that they believe may potentially interfere with their reward of “everlasting life on paradise earth” (once the Jehovah-God very shortly destroys this “system of things”) is to be avoided… at all costs. They entirely miss the Christian message.

Just a sampling of some of the messages the family would have received (instead of ones which might emphasize love and forgiveness and grace):

“We must hate [the disfellowshipped person] in the truest sense, which is to regard with extreme active aversion, to consider [the disfellowshipped person] as loathsome, odious, filthy, to detest.”
Watchtower 10/1/1952 (p 599)

“In the case of the disfellowshipped relative who does not live in the same home, contact with him is also kept to what is absolutely necessary. As with secular employment, this contact is limited and even curtailed completely if at all possible. We should not see how close we can get to relatives who are disfellowshipped from Jehovah’s organization, but we should ‘quit mixing in company’ with them.

What if a person cut off from God’s congregation unexpectedly visits dedicated relatives? What should the Christian do then? If this is the first occurrence of such visit, the dedicated Christian can, if his conscience permits, carry on family courtesies on that particular occasion. However, if his conscience does not permit, he is under no obligation to do so. If courtesies are extended, though, the Christian should make it clear that this will not be made a regular practice. . . . The excommunicated relative should be made to realize that his visits are not now welcomed as they were previously when he was walking correctly with Jehovah.”
Watchtower 7/15/63 (pp.443-44)

“And we all know from our experience over the years that a simple “Hello” to someone can be the first step that develops into a conversation and maybe even a friendship. Would we want to take that first step with a disfellowshipped person?”
Watchtower 1/15/81 (“If a Relative is Disfellowshipped,” p. 26-31)

“Such ones willfully abandoning the Christian congregation thereby become part of the ‘antichrist.’ (1 John 2:18,19)”
Watchtower 7/15/85

“Former friends and relatives might hope that a disfellowshipped one would return; yet out of respect for the command at 1 Corinthians 5:11, they do not associate with an expelled person.”
Watchtower 4/15/91

“Why is it loving to expel an unrepentant wrongdoer from the congregation? Doing so is an expression of love for Jehovah and his ways. (Psalm 97:10) This action shows love for those pursuing a righteous course because it removes from their midst one who could exercise a bad influence on them. It also protects the purity of the congregation.”
Watchtower 7/15/95

“Sometimes Christian parents have accepted back into their home for a time a disfellowshipped child who has become physically or emotionally ill. But in each case the parents can weigh the individual circumstances. Will he bring ‘leaven’ into the home?”
Our Kingdom Ministry 2/2002

The destructive ways that JWs affect the larger dynamics of family are evident in testimonies, divorce case papers, and the news. Google some likely phrases, and you will have no problem finding material (see my JW-related links page). Here are just a handful:

Couple’s faith tested
The Yarmouth Mercury, UK/September 28, 2006
By Miles Jermy


Witnesses cost me my family
Halifax Herald (Canada), February 13, 2000
By Susan LeBlanc

Cast out: Religious shunning provides an unusual background in the Longo and Bryant slayings
The Register-Guard/March 2, 2003
By Karen McCowan

Jehovah’s Witnesses: A Threat To The Social Family Fabric by Victor Escalante

Mr. Cheney, Mr. Rumsfeld, Ms. Rice

Mr. Cheney, Mr. Rumsfeld, Ms. Rice

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Mr. Cheney, Mr. Rumsfeld, Ms. Rice:

We are America’s citizens. We are not defeatists. We are not pessimists. We are not appeasers.

I don’t hear anyone arguing that the militant anti-USA movements in the middle east are not a threat.
Not “Dean democrats,” not anyone.

Many of us simply have come to believe that you back-alley players are the last people in America who should be making decisions on how to deal with that threat.

You seem to escalate the problems.

You and a few others have formed a cabal that has taken over much of our government.

If you’re going to invoke Nazis and their appeasers, you might want to be pretty careful where you draw those lines.

It’s not only Arab extremists who hate us now. They spell Bush with a swastika or a dollar sign in South America. Take a look at world polls, and ask yourself how the view of our country can have so changed over the course of just a few years.

Here at home, we don’t appreciate your dishonorable use of the discourse of freedom while you move toward an increasingly fascistic (i.e. totalitarian, corporatist) regime with our own government.

Mr. Cheney, Mr. Rumsfeld – You’ve done well for yourselves since the Nixon days, that’s for sure. Ms. Rice – I had hoped for better when I first heard that a black female academic… well, never mind. None of you lack intelligence.

But your words ring hollow. There is no truth in you.

Don’t stand up and try to tell us about morality and freedom and dreams.
What you’ve actually stood for has nothing to do with anything like that.

You have pursued aggressive actions in the world at large, and done what you could to destroy the benefits of citizenship at home. You have worked quite hard – yes – but only for the interests of big business (yes, especially oil), not for the interests of the American public. You have have rammed through no-bid contracts for your friends. This administration and its rubber-stampers in Congress even allowed insurance and pharmaceutical companies to write legislation.

Hey, we know that we don’t count as human unless we make at least $200,000 a year. You’ve made that clear in so many ways. How about all those accounts in Dubai and the Caymans? Tax giveaways to the rich, and to corporations that appear to have developed a stronger bill of rights than we could ever hope for. The attempted abolition of social security. On and on, and I can’t bear to think this week about Katrina anymore. The little speeches make me physically ill. What hypocrisy.

Take odds on who’ll win after Katrina – the oil industry or the luxury real estate developers. Admit it, you love the smell of crude in the morning.

We know what you stand for.

You’ve broken our trust. You’ve done little to make us safer while you’re manipulating us with fear.

Our ports and monuments and other targets are still quite unprotected.

You’re watching us (in violation of the Constitution) more than you’re “protecting” us.

America stuck our nose into the Middle East with boots on the ground in Saudi Arabia, protecting the tyrannical “royal family” – not democracy and freedom. We’ve propped up dictators and pulled down democratically-elected leaders for years. Are democracy and freedom near the top of America’s list? The evidence suggests we have other, competing, interests. Perhaps we should have a little national pow-wow about what, exactly, those interests really are.

We didn’t stay with the peace process in Israel, although we probably gave the go-ahead for the recent attacks. (Were those our bombs?)

The face of America to the world used to be the Peace Corps. Not anymore.

What is America known for now?
The carnage of Fallujah.
The torture of POWs and “detainees,” many of whom were rounded up randomly for a fee.
Abu Graib. Guantanamo.
The theft of natural resources from other countries.
Diamond-mining pseudochristians rushing toward their apocalypic visions.
Death cults spinning off your lead of hatred, the resurgence of the KKK and others.

Oh, and we do see the camps prisons you’re building in Texas. Who are they for again?

You tried to make us believe that Iraq was an immanent threat. It was not. The “pre-emptive” war was based on lies.

You tried to make us believe that Hussein was tied to 9-11.
Untrue, but you’re still using 9-11 to try to rationalize our invasion of Iraq.

You “sold” us this illegal and unethical invasion of Iraq. Then you banned the media from Fallujah, and after Abu Graib, you banned camera phones from military bases. No more evidence. No more reporting.

Judging from recent events, routine maintenance of the pipelines isn’t a prerequisite for corporate welfare.

Still, I’m wondering why clearly-permanent bases are always built on the oil pipeline?

We are not heroes to the people of Iraq. They want us to leave.

In the name of fighting terrorism, you’ve simply created more reasons for people to become terrorists. Terrorism is a method. We can’t wipe out terrorism. But we can and should look at why and how people become terrorists. Our ethical and strategic failures to legitimately address the issues of our world have contributed to that process. There are many more terrorists now.

In Iraq, we’ve simply jump-started civil war.

You said Iraq would be able to pay for the war. Check our national debt.

Another involuntary call-up for Marines… back-door drafts…

And now you’ve started softening us up for Iran. I’m not defending Iran, but if I were in their shoes, I’d probably want to have some kind of deterrant against US aggression too. Is Syria next? Endless war is the plan, then? When does the draft start, or are we planning to use the nukes again?

How many of our own will you label terrorists? The last time I checked, the ACLU was on the list!

It has become abundantly clear from your actions (and their consequences) that you have no idea what strategic negotiation is, what collaborative work is, what diplomacy is, how to gather actionable intelligence, how to create alliances. The US has become a throwback.

I wonder if you have a sense of what democracy and freedom even mean.

You have hurt the middle class, the blue-collar workers, the poor. The schools. The environment. The economy.

The reversal of FDR’s progress has always been a stated goal. The services of a previously rich nation are already being cut – and our treasury, such as it is now, is being handed to (surprise, surprise) the rich. Should anyone mention this, you accuse us of “class warfare.”

Orwellian language aside (does anyone still believe in the truth-value of “No Child Left Behind” “Clean Air Act” “Patriot Act”?), let’s recall the rallying cry of this administration, the promise of “compassionate conservatism.” That demeanor was dropped – what – three days after the election? Where is the compassion? Where is the conservatism?

This administration is self-centered, hard-hearted, and wasteful with the resources of this land and its people. It has a fundamental disregard for the value (and values) of this country. We will be paying for the destructive policies of this administration for many, many years and in many, many ways.

Given all this, it’s not surprising to see you all default to the usual tactics. You’re backed into a corner now – tight enough to defend Joe Lieberman!

Your reaction to the people who bring some of our disagreements into the public sphere for democratic discussion is predictable:

“Swift-boating,” whisper campaigns, intimidation, blowhard radio liars, the propaganda industry that used to be our free press, and the further corruption and manipulation of our religious communities. All of it.

What’s next? Disappearings, black bags? Americans don’t like intimidation tactics. I’m not afraid of you, despite the fact that you’ve put the guy who used to be in charge of dissident roundups (and death squads!) in charge of surveillance on the American people.

The things you stand for and represent do not strike me as the best America has to offer to its own citizens or to the world.

How small and select does the crowd have to be for you not to get booed these days?

You do have to answer to your boss. I don’t think you particularly believe in God or anything like that. I’m referring to your boss in this world.

In case you’ve somehow forgotten, that’s us, the American people – not that pathetic man in the white house.

No Tax Money for GA Public School Bible Classes

No Tax Money for GA Public School Bible Classes

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The Georgia State Senate has passed two pieces of legislation that pose a serious threat to the separation of church and state.

One would create state-funded Bible classes in Georgia public schools.
The second would allow the Ten Commandments to be displayed by county governments.

Both bills are on Governor Sonny Perdue’s desk, and he is contemplating whether to sign them.

Take action now and demand that Governor Perdue defend the Constitution and Georgia’s citizens from these attacks on the separation of church and state.

If these were really christians, they would want to post something that better represented Jesus’ teaching. The focus on the ten commandments is symptomatic of their seeming inability to understand love, forgiveness and grace. Neither do they take into account hundreds of years of Jewish and Christian scholarship and debate on issues of interpretation, translation, or socio-historical context. Their “take” on christianity is a perversion of their own religion. Their absolutist views of human beings show little evidence of any of the spiritual virtues. Think I’m overstating? Try Googling “Christian Reconstruction” or “theonomy” – they want a theocracy here, complete with the total control of women, even stoning!

From the Forerunner – I’m not linking to this site – Google a phrase:

We are not looking for a “voice a the table” nor are we seeking “equal time” with the godless promoters of pornography, abortion, safe-sodomy subsidies, socialism, etc. We want them silenced and punished according to God’s Law-Word.

They use God as a tool. Jesus would think they were jerks. This is about votes! This is about scapegoating and turning us against one another so that we don’t notice that we’re all getting robbed. I mean literally robbed – of our traditions, our ideals, our treasury, our natural resources, our futures.

From Apologetics Index:

Epitomizing the Reconstructionist idea of Biblical ”warfare” is the centrality of capital punishment under Biblical Law. Doctrinal leaders (notably Rushdoony, North, and Bahnsen) call for the death penalty for a wide range of crimes in addition to such contemporary capital crimes as rape, kidnapping, and murder. Death is also the punishment for apostasy (abandonment of the faith), heresy, blasphemy, witchcraft, astrology, adultery, ”sodomy or homosexuality,” incest, striking a parent, incorrigible juvenile delinquency, and, in the case of women, ”unchastity before marriage.”

I can’t believe this. Really. I’m shaking my head. So now they want to get ’em while they’re young – and use our own tax dollars to do it! Already they have uniforms. What next, a special salute?

The separation of church and state protects religious rights, the freedom of religious expression. There should be no state sponsorship of a specific religious tradition. Religious training of minors is the right and responsibility of families and their own religious tradition.

There is no proposal here to teach a wide range of religious texts or religious themes across the world’s traditions. The cuts to more fundamental educational areas serve only to highlight the political motivation of these bills.

Bible classes for minors are an unconstitutional use of funds. At the college level, courses related to religion, such as comparative religion and mythology, spiritual autobiography, Bible as literature, and the like are appropriate as elective courses at state universities. I have been trained in theology and ethics at a state university, and taken courses in religion at the undergraduate level at another. But courses and departments of religion have a different set of approaches than the ones we can expect to see from public school teachers. They started with home schooling, now this. Questions of belief will enter the classroom, and we will see a newly indocrinated “Christian Youth” if they get their way. Wake up, sheeple.

No – you can’t use our tax dollars to indoctrinate our children. No – you can’t fool us, we know what this is all about, and we’re not all as ignorant as you seem to think. Add these totalitarian “religious” power freaks to the neo-cons of empire and the puppets of corporate interests, and you see the unholy trinity that is killing this country and all it stands for! Those who have eyes to see and ears to hear, take heed!

Stop the pseudo-religious right from pushing their dubious “theology” in our public schools and our public square.