"I put out these milk and cookies as a sacrifice. If Thou wishest me to eat them, please give me a sign by doing absolutely nothing. MMMMmmmm..." --Homer
"The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show
me who to smite and they shall be smoten!!!"
"Bart, stop pestering Satan!" - Marge
"Oh no, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican." - Lisa
"Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ."- Bart
"There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson." - Bart
"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!" - Homer
"Dear Lord, thank you for this microwave bounty even though we don't deserve it. I mean, our kids are uncontrollable hellions. Pardon my French, but they act like savages. Did You see them at the picnic? Of course You did. You're everywhere. You're omnivorous. O Lord, why did You smite me with this family?" -- Homer's Prayer
"Dear Lord, as I think of You dressed in white with Your splendid beard, I am reminded of Colonel Sanders, who is now seated at Your right hand, shovelling popcorn chicken into Thy mouth. Lord, could You come up with a delicious new taste treat like he did? I command You." -- Homer's Prayer
"Dear God. We paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing." --Bart Simpson saying grace
"Suppose we've chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder" --Homer Simpson's version of Pascal's Wager
"God has no place within [school] walls just as facts have no place within organized religion!"